Let's Get Real: Rotten

(I debated over writing this post at all. Should I hide what's happened in my life? Should I sweep it under the rug and blog on all chipper and "la-di-da, everything's freaking fantastic" like usual?
I can't do that. It would feel so fake to continue on as if nothing has happened.)

You know that sinking feeling in your gut when you know you've made a mistake?
I've got that. A sick wire of guilt is laced among my intestines, and I want to make things right.

All I can hear are the barely contained words of civil fury in my friend's voice as she tightly spat out the words that are ringing in my head.
"That was a dick move to do. I just hope you know this is the most irresponsible thing to do. I'm happy you found a place to move into, okay? But that was a dick move to do."

Its been a complicated process moving out this summer, dear readers. I haven't updated you much on that since I've been trying to ignore it, but let's just say, our lifestyles were not compatible. In the past two months, I've grown tired of coming home to rotten, moldy food in the fridge, overflowing trash cans, towers of dirty dishes in the sink, and all left for me to clean. Because if it were up to others, it would be left for weeks before it would be touched, and they know I'd do it for them before that happened.
I would communicate every now and then how this bothered me, but after an occasional effort on their part and some joking at my cleanly expense, we returned to the same regime of messiness as before. I wasn't sleeping well, I got sick, and I hated entering the kitchen. Resentment was building up in me. I felt trapped, and it was time to think of a different avenue. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who felt this way. My other friend and roommate, Corina, has been avoiding the apartment because she's felt the same resentment growing in her as well.

So when we let the other two know we were looking to move out, I don't think they realized how serious we were in our efforts. Things in the apartment got tense, and when we found a place last minute to move into, we didn't think. We acted. 

We cleared out our things in our efforts to move quickly since it was a last minute deal, and didn't give a heads up that we would be moving our stuff out that day. When we did later, it was too late. 

Yeah. Major oops. The other two are furious over us pulling the rug out under them.
While I believe this wrong goes both ways, I wish I'd thought clearly enough to have handled our sudden departure more wisely.

I feel awful and worried over what this will do to an old friendship, and I want to make things right. 
We paid for the August rent anyway ("Which is going to be discussed," as Corina vehemently said), so they have a month to figure out what they will do next, but what will happen to an old bond, I'm not so sure. 

I don't know guys, I feel depressed over this. I have such a small circle of friends, and I'd hate to lose even one part of that. I understand you can't make everyone happy all the time, and I'll admit...I can't help wondering if we'd still be getting the same reaction even if we'd said that morning we were moving out. I have a feeling we still would have been cussed out and scorned.

These upcoming months will be a trial of friendships, that's all I can say.
While I'm happy to have found a surprisingly good and fierce friend in Corina, I just know that if I'd been better at communicating, this all could have been avoided.

Learn from me girls. Speak your mind loudly, kindly, and clearly from the beginning.
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Satin Diaries(SD) said...

I hope you are feeling better now. And as weird as it may sound I have very very few friends lol. I Just have 5 friends and I am not even kidding. I know how much friends could mean to us. And I hope things get better for you.

Much Love


Kim Alston said...

Linda, you made the right decision. You couldn't keep living that way. You told them numerous time about the cleanliness of that place and they chose to laugh & ignore. You did pay them for this months rent, so that was good. You met your financial obligation. They were in shock because they thought you were joking. The only thing I would've done differently would be to tell them that I was seriously looking for another place and as soon as I find something I'm moving out. If you really feel bad, you can help them find new roomates (but be honest to the person that they're slobs). HAHAHA College kids can always find a new roommate. Also when you move in with 1 to however many people don't be afraid to ask about their lifestyle (cleanliness, boyfriends, musical habits etc.) Because in the end, it's REALLY important to know. Put a smile on your face and thank God you had another option :)

Aga Guerrero Olesinska said...

It will be better, you make a good step

Stylish By Nature said...

Good going dear !! Kisses

New Post up...

Sam said...

Hi Linda, this is something you shouldn't even feel about about. I would have done exactly the same in your situation. It was truly unfair on you to be handling all the cleaning responsibilities. Your college experience is supposed to be a pleasant one, not one where you dread the place you live. Its okay that we all are different in terms of hygiene routines and how we chose to live, it doesn't mean you like your friends any less, it just means that you're not compatible as roommates. You did tell them your intentions, whether they chose to believe you or not isn't your issue.The friendship doesn't have to end over this, I hope they see reason. All the best hun

Chloe, Wardrobe Quarry said...

I have been through this very same drama, except it kind of happened the other way around for me.

I was living with one of my best friends and it was great for awhile but then our indifferences got in the way, she was messy (like your housemates) and it drove me crazy, I'd constantly be cleaning up after her, then, she got a boyfriend, who was a backpacker and he ended up staying there ALL the time, rent free, so I brought up the issue and it caused major dramas. She ended up moving out with him leaving me with noone to pay the other half of the rent. But in the end, I'm glad she moved because the house situation was just not healthy and wasn't making either of us happy. I worked my stuff out in the end. I'm not best friends with that girl anymore and that is a little sad, but we do still talk now, and we are civil with each other. I suppose we both had plenty of other friends at the time though so neither of us made much effort to fix our friendship. You seem to really care about fixing it so I'm sure it won't be the same for you.

And then I've had something similar happen again in the last few weeks where I was supposed to be moving in with a friend but a better offer came up and I had to decide whether to do whats best for me, or to be loyal to my friend.

Living with friends is always a hard thing to do. But it is so important for you to do what makes you happy!

Wardrobe Quarry

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caffinatedlove said...

oh dear, I can't imagine your position, :( I used to share a room with my sister who was a messy bessy and her stuff would slowly evolve into my side of the room, so I would literally grab a shovel from the garage and push stuff over to her side. But that was my sister, you know, and that bridge has been healed long ago. I imagine with a friend it would be much, much, much more complicated.

I hope you found a way to resolve things. It if makes you feel any better, I think you were in the right. <3


Velvet Bloom said...

Something similar happened to me but at work, i think it's hard when you have to mingle money and friendships, it's just too sensitive, and when something doesnt work out, someone isn't doing their job and you have to do everything is not funny because you don't want to continue with this but also it's hard to speak about it, i think you did the right choice, find some peace for yourself first and maybe your friendships will do as well. All my best wishes for you my dear.

Belated Bloomer said...

I know how hard it is to juggle feelings, especially for non-confrontational people. I'm one of those... I tend to bottle things up until resentment builds up and I can't take it anymore. But you're right. It might have been better to have spoken about it earlier with your roommates, just to lessen the hurt.


Ashley said...

Oh Linda:( I'm so sorry for your friendship woes:( No fun!
Honestly, I truly feel like you did the right thing. You could not have continued to live in that situation, as it would then start taking a toll on your mental and emotional health. Also, getting out when you did, hopefully salvaged the friendships you have with your roommates, before they were completely ruined. If you would have stayed in that situation, you would have probably built up a lot of resentment towards your roommates and vice versa. It's good that you got out when you did! If they are truly your friends, this situation will be a tiny bump in the road to overcome before continuing on your merry way. Things will work out for the best, but keep your head up and know that you did the right thing!

Sending positive prayers your way!

xo Ashley

Viv said...

Things happen, life's a learning experience and obviously you've learned from this. Like you said, it's a wrong on both parts and unfortunately what's happened has happened so you can only learn from it and move forward.

Anngelik Martinez said...

I believe you made the right decision! I also have a small group of friends, but when stuff like this happens, it's only best to move on because if you don't, things get worst. I wish you the best and I hope you enjoy your new place.


J & J said...

Bravo girl it was the right thing to do...I couldn't live like that either! You have to do what also makes you happy I'm sure your friends will come round and understand....because that's what real friends do right?! sending some love your way xx


omg linda your such an amazing girl, its so sad to hear you talk like this!
your the kind of person thats too uber nice that you blame everything on yourself, bad girl! ;)
in my view, if these girls cant get over the fact that they were making the flat un-liveable and thats why you had to move, then they dont deserve your awesome friendship!!!!


♥ Ellen
Facebook + Instagram

Maiken said...

I honestly believe you did the right thing, Linda. when someone enjoys dirty life then this someone should think about herself/himself not about your presumable flaws. I dislike sloppy people and I can totally picture what you felt while living there. so yeah, your friend (or "friend") should think about the whole thing, not you. you just stood up for yourself and followed your principles. chin up, dear, and please don't worry too much!

Maikeni blogi - part of me

Tanya Minxy said...

I am sorry to hear that. I hope you can keep the friendship if you want to. Don't worry and try to move on =^.^=

Amanda said...

Oh men this sucks! But unfortunately this is super common!... I had similar experience with roommates that dont follow the rules.. And also two year ago I moved with my best friend and things didnt go so well and it ended up in us not talking for like 6 months or so... Things are better now... I think you acted the right way and Im glad you had your friend to support you... This is not an easy move but I think its the best... And if they are truly your friends they will come around... And also I think you did them a favorite paying them for the month of aug.. Pretty generous but also a great way to avoid extra drama... I hope things go smoothly in your new place =) ANd please dont feel bad!

Kimberly said...

My heart goes out to you~ It's tough to live with someone you're so close to. It's easy to grow apart in that kind of environment. I hope yo'll be able to patch things up with Corina. I'm sorry you've had to experience this.

If you have time later, I'd like to invite you to a giveaway of mine. It'd be wonderful if you could enter. It's to win a Bitchy Gypsy statement necklace.

Lily Fang said...

Awww, Linda! I totally agree about debating whether to share my problems on my blog. People in general want to portray themselves as happy and perfect, especially online. But I always remember that I blog to share the tales of my life and show people that they are not alone in their struggles. I hope to inspire. It's a cathartic hobby and I'm glad you used it that way. Yes, you could've made it more clear, but yes, you also did try. And you went to pursue your own happiness. If they're true friends, this will blow over soon. The most genuine friendships will survive through thick and thin. Chin up, girl! Thank you for sharing your story so that we can keep this in mind for our own lives.

Kat said...

aww that stinks that you had this problem! This is exactly what i'm worrying about for the upcoming school year. last year i was fortunate enough to dorm with my friend from high school so we got a long and we both understand each others living style. But this year i'm still rooming with my friend but we're getting 2 more roomates that we don't know. I'm the beiggest neat freak so i'm really nervous how every things going to go. I think you did the right thing though and handled the situation well. you totally shouldnt be upset! it wasnt your fault and it just sucks that it has to end this way.

Mica said...

I'm sure your friends will not hold a grudge - you had said for a long time you were unhappy, and as you paid the rent it's almost like giving them a months notice. I don't think there is anything wrong.

They maybe just didn't think you would go so quickly so are a little shocked. Hopefully once they get over the shock you will be back to being friends again :) You can always tell them you will help to find them new roommates to make it easier, extend an olive branch that way?

Away From Blue

Ali Hval said...

Oh, LInda... it's like you're following in my footsteps or something... Listen, you really did the right thing. If someone isn't going to take responsibility for something THEY need to take responsibility for, it is in no way, shape, or form your fault. It's theirs. I can tell you're one of those lovely ladies who takes things on your shoulders when you shouldn't, and carries the burdens of others which, well, you shouldn't! I know because I'm the same way.

I, too, had a very untidy roommate my freshman year who we had to break away from. It got to the point where we talked to her about not wanting to live with her the next year (which was last year) and needless to say, that resulted in a really awful night and some really awful tensions that still linger to this day. Needless to say, we don't talk much anymore, and even though she will still text me time to time, things aren't the same. It kind of ruined a friendship for me, but she's still acting like nothing happened, which is good, but also kind of angers me because she never acknowledged her problem. Some people will change, but others will be persistently stubborn and fail to realize that yes, there is something wrong with the way they are acting.

Oh shit. I rambled, I'm sorry. Back to you! You didn't make a mistake. You did not make a mistake. No no no! I want to grab you by your shoulders and say, no no no, you made no mistakes, that is the right thing to do. You can't live in filth if it's making you sick, if you tried all that you can do, then that is that and there is nothing more to speak of. That was NOT a dick move. Girl, you ain't no dick. Dicks are vulnerable and weak, and you are far from that. ;) Mwehehe!

I'm quite glad that you and your friend secured a new place to live. Sometimes you've gotta do tough stuff like that in life. It hurts but... you did do the right thing. I don't know how helpful anything I just said was, but lady, I know that you're amazing and not a dick and everything you did was justified. And stuff. YEAH.

(bro hug) <3

Alexa said...

Im sorry to hear about all the trouble you've been having! I think that sometimes it just comes down to doing what you have to do and looking out for yourself. I really hope things get better <3 Hang in there!

Alexa <3

Margarita M. said...

Sorry to hear about that, dear:/
I hope it works out for you guys. As hard as it is for them to see things fair right now, they were well aware of how you felt about this whole situation and their mess.

Best of luck to you:)

The Garage Starlets said...

Sorry about that!

Sandra Leiva said...

I hope you feel better, hun!!


Joey Elizabeth Wu said...

I've also experienced bad flatmates and felt extremely helpless in their whirlwind of mess and unhygienic living. You just gotta stay strong, stand your ground and keep to yourself. Sit downs and heart to hearts may sound like they're being ridiculed or worse, unheard but persistence will get you there!!

The only comfort I found was moving out - it's taught me to pick my flatmates carefully!

Hope all brightens up soon!


lalalaPatricia said...

I hope you're okay now hon! I feel you and sometime we have to choose the right friends and even one friend a true friend is enough. That's all that matters for me! I hope you're doing great now! :)

Kati said...

Too bad how it went - seems there wasn't really a great opportunity to communicate that you had a last minute deal, and I can understand both sides.
I hope you get all together and can discuss and clear things!


Anonymous said...

Sometimes these things happen, but if you are true friends... you will work through it ;)


Anonymous said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. At least now you all know that you weren't compatible living together! Maybe you can salvage your friendship by hanging out only in public spaces (i.e. getting coffee, shopping) instead of making dinner in their apartment together or talking about your housing situations. I totally understand why you are feeling bummed. It's hard thinking that you've let someone down or ruined a relationship, but try to step back from the situation and realize that you made the right decision for YOU. In the end, that's the most important thing!

Xo, Hannah

Anonymous said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. At least now you all know that you weren't compatible living together! Maybe you can salvage your friendship by hanging out only in public spaces (i.e. getting coffee, shopping) instead of making dinner in their apartment together or talking about your housing situations. I totally understand why you are feeling bummed. It's hard thinking that you've let someone down or ruined a relationship, but try to step back from the situation and realize that you made the right decision for YOU. In the end, that's the most important thing!

Xo, Hannah

Marlen said...

aww no, so THAT'S what happened. i say that it's equal parts blame and that you shouldn't let them make you feel like it's all your fault! yes, moving out behind their backs was a very bad decision, buttt if they were that unbearable to live with in the first place, they should feel guilty they resorted you to that.

i've only had marc as a roommate (and the verdict is still out on that one, haha) but my friends who had roomies in college definitely have shared stories. friends literally break up over this kind of stuff. the majority of my friends say they'd never room with a good friend again because most of them literally ended on a sour note. it's just really hard sharing a space with another person! what i'd take from this is the lessons you learned- mainly, it's better to speak up than get hit with the consequences of *not* speaking out. but don't feel too bad- they were crummy roommates and put you into a really awkward/unnecessary position :(

xo marlen
Messages on a Napkin

Polly Bland said...

I am sorry to hear about this, too. Sometimes things just don't work out in living situations, and I've had my fair share of living with people who aren't suited for me, either. Glad you got out of there while you still could!

love, polly

the littlest polly

JANICE G said...

i went through the same thing in college, in the end i learned that never live with friends, because every person has different living habits, it is nobody's fault. therefore, live with people you are not close to, you would not need to worry about losing close friends :)sorry this happened, but you shouldn't feel guilty.

the STYLE Fringe BLOG

Kym said...

Linda I commend you for both realizing that you needed to change your situation and for admitting that you may have made a mistake in the way you went about it. It takes a lot of courage to apologize and I can't imagine that your friends would be above forgiveness. I wish you all the best in your new place (can't wait to see it, even if it isn't done yet!) and lots of luck mending your hurt friendships. You're such a mature and genuine person - I just know your friendships will endure.

shamuboo said...

OK, first, referring to me under the heading "girls"? Totally cool :) So I am guessing you got tons of really sweet and wonderful advice but, since you are such an amazing lady and I am quite fond of you, I will add this. Regardless of whether this was a mistake or not, so many times in life that is how you learn the lessons you will remember forever. Just like a toddler won't touch a hot stove twice, I am guessing the actions you judge yourself so harshly for here will not be repeated. Not in a million years would I worry about your doing anything intentionally wrong, far too sweet for that. But you will hurt people, especially guys most likely. And you won't mean to and it will break your heart almost as much as theirs but strength and wisdom will come from these times. As for if the relationships in this situations can be mended, if they continue to hold it against you, you small, tight circle of friends needs them not. I am guessing, in time, things between you will heal, but I also know someone like you will always attract great friends who will be so happy just to be in that circle.

Candida Maceo said...

Oh man, thats a tough situation Linda. One that I am very familiar with. I moved out with friends when I first moved away from home. And it ended pretty ugly. I have a strained relationship with one of those girls, and I don't speak to the other. I understand your feelings - it probably would have been better to give them a little more notice, but at the same time you have to learn (sometimes the hard way) that being a roommate requires compromise and carrying your own weight. You shouldn't have to live somewhere that you dread going to home to - especially when you're paying to live there. Give it time girl, offer an apology if you haven't done so already, explain your side and then unfortunately you have to leave it in their hands. I hope that everything works out.


Lisa said...

Linda- I went through the whole "hating my messy roommate" scenario. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. You told them that you were bothered by the mess, and they didn't change. I wish I did what you did and just moved out, but I stayed and was miserable for 7 months. My roommate and I don't speak at all anymore, because I resented her for being such an awful roommate. So, don't feel depressed over this. Just use it as a learning experience and if your friendship was real, then it will get through this small part. Good luck with everything!

Carla Florendo said...

Hi Linda, I'm sorry to hear all these, but I guess thing like these really just happen, whether we like it or not. I think for the most part, yes you did make a mistake and acted on impulse. but you can't be too hard on yourself because your other housemates should have known how to do their part at home knowing that they're living with other people// i mean if they didn't feel bad about dirtying the kitchen and all that stuff, then clearly you shouldn't feel so bad about leaving too. eventually you'll get over this but i think right now it's best to just talk to them and explain your side. Good luck and I know you'll get through this!

xo, Carla
p.s. you can always count me in as one of your friends you know, so you have an extended circle =)

Juniper said...

Ah, what a rotten situation :( I really don't think you can be too hard on yourself though, because it sounds like you really needed to get out of the situation. I definitely would have gotten fed up with having to clean up after everyone else.
I do hope everything works out for you, I know how it is to have a small group of friends and not want to lose anyone.


czarianonuevo said...

omg, this is a sad news Linda :( though, it's still the best decision you made. These happenings are inevitable especially with this kind of issue. Hope those two girls will learn from this. I'm glad you shared this Linda because i think it would be hard keeping this to yourself.

czarina :)

katie said...

This was a rough situation to be in. I moved in with my best friend when we both started college and it's something I really wish I hadn't done. She was really messy (much like what you've mentioned) so I would be left to clean everything after working 60 hrs a week and going to school full time while she worked one day a week and only took four clsses. It drove me crazy, she'd eat my food Id paid for, leave a huge mess and then complain about the apartment being a mess. She ended up giving me a weeks notice she was moving back home and left me to pay all of the rent and utilities and we ended up ending our friendship over it. (Moral of the story, I guess don't move in with friends?) I do think it was very kind of you guys to pay for one more month's rent and not leave your other roommates hanging like that and I do understand the anxiety of living in a space where resentment just grows. Hopefully you'll all be able to step back and realize that this will work out for the best and still remain fiends. Good luck dear!

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