First Love Heartaches

Kimono: c/o August Wrinkle   Tank: thrifted   Jeggings: American Eagle   Sandals: Philippines  Headband: gift   Bag: Rue 21

This is what I wore on Tuesday to meet Patrick, my ex-boyfriend, for one last catch up over coffee. He's moving to another city, and he wanted to talk to me before he left.

It was five minutes until the time we'd agreed to meet, and my stomach was in knots. I was cruising down the street, fiddling with the radio dial as I made the turn into the parking lot. Every station I hit was playing a song about a broken romance.

Who Knew by Pink.
When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars
Even the country station was playing The One That Got Away.

Really, radio? Really? 
I hit the power off button a little too forcefully.
I reached my destination and pulled into a parking spot. Right across from me, I spotted his car.
He was here.

Just relax Linda, he's a friend. Remember're just friends now.

As I walked into the coffee shop, the very same one where we'd had our first date, I saw him. He looked exactly the same, if only a little more muscular. 
He looked good. He smiled and came up to me to give me a side hug.
"Hey, how have you been?" he asked.
"Good, what about you?" 

Then began the initial small chat. You know, how's the folks, how was school, etc. We sat down at a small table and sipped our coffee as we caught up.

He managed to slip in those old, thoughtful compliments he used to give me too. Not in a flirtacious way was more genuine than that. They were his honest observations. For example, while talking about a girl with a strong personality I'd encountered, he added in, "Well you have a strong personality as well."
I looked at him questioningly.
"What I mean is, yes, you're very sweet, but you're no pushover," he elaborated.

Its things like that that reminded me why I'd fallen for him.

At one point, he brought up our past. He told me he had never thought it had been a waste of time or was all for vain. He wouldn't trade our past relationship for anything. He'd become stronger in his faith because of me, and I had inspired him.
When he said that, I felt my jaw start to wobble a bit as emotion overcame me.
But I blinked a couple times, breathed deeply, and when I looked back up at him, my eyes were dry.
"You helped me too," was all I said. 

He was always the one better with words. For me, my mind is a chaotic field of thoughts, where no single rational sentence can be formed in the midst of battle. Only later, when I write, can the chaos be formed into sanity. I resent that, and I wish I could be as poetic with words on the spot.

We sat there for about two hours, talking and laughing like we used to. We conversed about everything, leaping from subject to subject. There were many times we slipped back into our old jokes with one another. It was like we'd never stopped our conversations.
It was nice. 

Its also made me realize something about love. When you truly love someone, you give a piece of your heart to them that you'll never get back. Love is risky and painful. I still am missing that piece I gave him, and I can feel the ache from knowing it'll never be recovered. He has it, and I'll always love him. Some days I'll wonder why it had to be him and why it had to end. Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why couldn't we work out? Other days I'll remember our time together fondly and not feel saddened to know its over. I can reflect on it peacefully. Yet every day, no matter how I feel, I know that he was someone important in my life.
Love is a powerful thing to play with, and it's a gamble.
But it can be so worth it.

When we said goodbye, I pulled him in for a tight, quick hug and stepped into my car. As I backed out, I glanced over my shoulder at him. I couldn't resist one last peek. He looked over at the same moment, with an expression I couldn't discern on his face. Was it sadness? Was that a hint of panic in his eyes? Perhaps it was blank, and I was just projecting the emotions I wanted to see onto him. I didn't know, and my head was hurting from fighting back watery eyes. So I just smiled sadly and drove away.

It was at the stoplight when I finally let the built up tears slide out. 
He'll always be my friend. He'll always be that person that inspired me to be better - at life, my health, even my grades, and most importantly, my faith. He'll always be that man that has everything I want in someone.
But he'll never be mine.

Its like I told my friend later: "This is going to sound like a corny romance novel gone wrong, but he was my first love. I'm never going to be completely over him. He has a part of me that I'll never get back, and I'm always going to love him. Time will help those strong feelings fade, but I know I'll always care for him."

I don't know what God has in store for me, but I know that if I'm patient and learn to give my heart to Him, it won't be broken.

Persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed
2 Corinthians 4:9


Sakuranko said...

Oh really cute pants and lovely cardigan!

Bernadeth G. said...

great photos!! :)

Visit my blog? xx Miss Beatrix (

Color-Block said...

nice cardigan

Liora said...

I love your outfit! Your top is so pretty :)


Mia said...

Really cute mix darling, love these mix of tones :)

Kiss ♥
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Istvanffy Emma said...

ohh my gosh so pretty!

Emma xx

Katie Aman said...

Oh, darling-what a hard thing that must have been to say goodbye like that. There are so many times in life when we wonder how our lives would have turned out if some circumstance had been different, I pray that God would grab your heart and just give you clarity! Clarity is one of my most prayed prayers- most of the time I just don't understand life otherwise!
Just keep being the beautiful person you are :) and I know God is using you and your ability to be transparent with us in great ways!

Ali Hval said...

Oh Linda, this is such an honest account of your feelings, and I just wish I could be with you after your meeting with him. You handled your final farewell so perfectly, though, I believe. He probably thought you had the same look on your face when he looked back--one which neither of you could really interpret, but kind of bent to make out whatever you were feeling.

But yes, this is so well written. Keep on writin' those novels, because I adore reading them. You're so honest, and I feel like that's the root of why people blog--to be open and genuine. You are that and so very much more. I'm glad you two learned from each other--and that's even more amazing how he said he cherished his time with you when he had the chance. Such a respectful guy. You are totally worth everything in the world!

Also: "...and I wish I could be as poetic with words on the spot." Right? Man, I can only think of all the times I've walked away and thought of how I could have better strung together a sentence of words. I have these elaborate conversations and such with myself, but then when I speak in real life, you would never think I was the same person writing on my blog. Crazy!

Ah, and now onto your outfit, Miss Plucker of Emotions. I really adore your braid, first off, and kind of want to wear a braid like that in my next post (gonna steal it from you, hehehe!). I love that duck print cardigan, too. It's so silky and sheer!

Annie said...

Loving the bird print, and what a fabulous bag!

The Other Side of Gray

Laura said...

It is so hard to leave someone like that - they are always going to have a special place in your heart. How wonderful that you could meet and talk as friends; that isn't always the case. Still, it is never easy. Sending some hugs your way, hon!

By the way, that cardigan is just adorable!


Sola ante el espejo said...

Great look and blog! Lets follow each other? Kisses.

Stephanie Lin said...

What a beautifully written post! And I love the shade of that blue. It's gorgeous!

Jessinia Ruff said...

Loved how you styled the headband :) Super cute!

Marika said...

Great blouse!
Follow me on

Kim Alston said...

Oh Linda. My heart goes out to you doll. I've faced that several times and it's so hard. It's so sad, because he seems really into you. It's ashame he's moving away. You handled it well and left a really good impression. You never know how he may come back into your life at a later time. Just continue doing the things in front of you and ask GOD to lead you in the right direction.

Corinne said...

Oh wow, I was all ready to comment on your lovely green shirts you are sporting, then read about your experience with your ex.

It is so horrible and terrible to have to lose somebody, it feels like the end of the world. It's nice you were able to meet up but I can really appreciate how hard that could have been for you, it's almost like taking a step back in the whole 'getting over him' process, isn't it?

Hope you are okay and this is not playing on your mind too much!

love love

Haeme Robecca said...

How cute is your bag! Love it. xxx

Sam said...

Hi Linda, firstly, you look beautiful, you couldn't have picked a more perfect outfit. It must have been such an emotional coffee date, I can't imagine how you went through with it, and you are so brave for that. I hope that it gave you closure and made you see how important you were in his life and how valued your relationship was. It will only be a love learning curve and a stepping stone to something and someone even better.

Domenica Calarco said...

gorgeous xx

Ashley Taylor said...

These pictures are stunning and I LOVE the kimono. Love it, I tell you!

xo Ashley

Jessica Cai said...

wow, loved reading your post! first love is something very difficult but also beautiful, and you captured that in your post. also enjoy your outfit dear xo jess

The Daydreamer said...

Love the shades of blue in this outfit <3

Ashley said...

Can you just write a book? Please? I've said it before, but you have a way with words.

Reading this took me back to my very first love. I was a lot younger (16 or 17), but the way I felt about him was earth shattering, if that makes any sense. As young love often goes, we broke up. He was actually the one to break up with me and it broke my heart. For a year I continued to be wrapped up in him. I thought about him constantly, would hope and pray that he would just pick up the darn phone and call me and tell me he wanted me back. After all, what we had was perfect, right? It seemed every time I started to actually move on, he would pop back up and set me back a million paces. It was a never-ending cycle that left me in a bizarre state of hoping we got back together and hoping to move on for good. Then came my knight in shining armor. It's a funny story of how our relationship came to be ( I should share it on the blog sometime), but he was just what I needed at the time I needed and all I had ever waited for. We are still together today (after almost 6 years!), and plan on getting married someday.

When you least expect it, your knight in shining armor WILL be there. You are right, your ex will always have a piece of your heart, but over time, it will heal around the hole, and be surrounded by love for the boy who steals it:)

In the meantime, please keep sharing your words. Oh, and write a book so I can read it!

Sending lots of love your way, beautiful!

xo Ashley

PS This outfit though....SO cute! I'm surprised he didn't keel over on the floor when he saw you;)

Ilana Morgan said...

it's true you never forget your first love- hope you are ok. At least you have a beautiful kimono and I am positive that God is looking out forr you!
xo Ilana @ My Modern Vintage

czarianonuevo said...

the outfit is totally love Linda!! the kimono and those pants are match made in heaven!!! this ensemble is perfect for summer and i can imagine myself wearing something like this!! CHIC!!!

ps: what you wrote really touched my heart. thanks for sharing this. i learned a lot from these realizations :)

czarina :)

shamuboo said...

I do so enjoy when you open your heart and share yourself via that wonderful prose of yours. Of course that bag is shiny and fun and those pants quote cute.on you. And that top, wow dear. That is such a lovely and exciting piece. But what I will remember you can successfully and beautifully channel what's inside you o to the page. As for first loves, the real ones do become a standard you measure the rest against. But those strong feelings, good or bad, appreciate and treasure them. That's your passion and your amazingly strong heart talking to you. Wonderful post!

Belated Bloomer said...

I read a quote somewhere that I remembered when reading your post. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

I really wish you the best, God's best. :)

twitter and instagram: @BelatedBloomer

Hanna & Christel said...

love your blouse with the birds!


Dascha Boonstra said...

Such a great outfit! ^^


Mica said...

Aww what a sad post, I just want to hug you!

Glad that you had a chance to wish him luck before he moves away though, and you just know that there is someone even better out there for you. First loves are always the trickiest to get over

Away From Blue

Rakel said...

cute outfit! ^^


awww linda this is such a lovely post xxx
im surprised you say he speaks better than you, your post are always so beautifully written, especially this one!
anyway, amazing post and amazing outfit!!


♥ Ellen
Facebook + Instagram

Aga Guerrero Olesinska said...

Pretty shirt, love the pattern

Darina said...

Love the kimono... amazing print... and perfect jeggings... beautiful color! Check out my last blog post... and what do you think... do you wanna follow each other?

Gail J said...

u look so pretty!

Victoria said...

I love the kimono - you look lovely as always! xx

- Victoria

glamoroza said...

Oh, I just want to hug you right now.. I like the part you says "when you truly love someone, you give a piece of your heart to them that you['ll never get back" this is just wonderful, Linda. :)


Karina Novia said...

Love all the outfits in this post :)

Join Oasap giveaway on my blog here

Karina Novia said...

Love all the outfits in this post :)

Join Oasap giveaway on my blog here

goodbadandfab said...

Great outfit pictures! I heart your style! I'm now subscribing to your blog on my google reader!
personal style and fashion musings of a LA fashion lawyer living life in the fab lane!

Alexandra Zakharova said...

Oh what a sad story, sometimes we have to say goodbuy. Though, I realy believe that if it's a real love then it will find you again. I also like ur look, casual and romantic:) Nice pictures, well done!
Have a good time:)

Best wishes, Alexandra

zoë said...

"When you truly love someone, you give a piece of your heart to them that you'll never get back." -this is so true.
I can tell you guys will become great friends and who knows in the future you guys will end up together. :)

And you're right, just give your heart to Him. He'll take good care of you. +

Love the bag Linda.

yes, make sure to visit Baler when you get here. ;)



TheTinyHeart said...

That bird print is adorable! It must've been really hard to meet up with him and have all those old feelings come back. Hope you're doing okay after it!

The Tiny Heart
Group Giveaway!

Lala H said...

I was just singing that verse you quoted. Why does Patrick have to be so amazing, such a torture to just stay friends with someone that means to you a lot and thats amazing.

Delightful Ideas

The Chic Sheet said...

You are way too young to be sweating some guy ;) Cool look btw.


Barbara de Robles said...

that cardigan looks lovely on you!

Oh! New post in my blog! :) blogthedreams, kisses!

Stylish By Nature said...

Marvelous, love the whole outfit girl :)


Elana said...

Awww, Linda! I'm glad that it was a nice meetup, but I'm sorry that you're hurting. I definitely know how that is and I know that nothing we can say will make it better. But I hope you know that you have a GIANT support system here.

And at least you looked fantastic! This color combination is such a no-fail. And I'll never get over this adorable jacket!

Tanja S. said...

oh my god, I nearly cried while reading your story. It's touched me a lot since I felt like that too, just with the fact we're no friends anymore.. Just try to look at the good things which happened and thank god you could meet him and be together with him. That helped me a lot and I guess I don't feel much about that person anymore..

SaraM said...

Oh Linda. I don't doubt that every regret and heartache you feel is reciprocated by his own. You are beautiful, talented, smart, kind, everything a guy could want. Don't give up, you'll find someone better than you ever could have imagined, because you deserve it! Love you, girl!

Mitha Komala said...

i love your bag and cardigan! you look stunning, cheer up dear! xx

Letters To Juliet

Karola said...

My eyes are full of tears. I don't have much time to catch up on blogs, but when I do - yours is always one of the first I read. And I mean READ. Love the way you write. As someone above me asked: can you write a book please? :)
I feel for you, it must have been a very hard experience, but I am very proud of you that you were able to get through it. This kind of things make us stronger, yet it was good you let yourself cry. No point holding it in.
Stay strong my dear blogger friend.
Huge hugs!

Elsha said...

Curse you radio!! I love these two colors together, I bet he was feeling the regrets when you strutted in ;)

Peet said...

You literally got me choked up... That's what I think - when you love somebody, you're screwed. Yes, it can be worth it, but is dangerous when you give into somebody... You're brave to meat up with him. And there are always bigger and better things in store for everybody, it's just a question of time. That's what I think and I sure hope I'm not wrong for everybody's sake.:)

Plami said...

omg I loooove this top! <3 You look lovely dear!


Maiken said...

oh I just hate goodbyes.. I mean those hard ones, I just hate those because they make you feel so empty and broken and sad. but at least you two still care about each other and it didn't end with a fight. bad endings filled with fighting are the worst in my opinion. and Linda, I know the right guy is waiting for you somewhere and you will meet him when the time is right :)
btw, I'm pretty much in love with that bag. it's so my cup of tea!

Maikeni blogi - part of me

Danny said...

First loves are impossible to forget. But at least you're still friends and that's a good thing, you can preserve all the good memories and still talk with him when you miss him!

Mary Lou said...

oh hoooow cute is this kimono!
love and kiss,mary

The Braided Bandit said...

I adore your pretty bird kimono, but heartache, not so much! Its nice that you guys could sit down and talk like that before he left though!

Joandy said...

beautiful cardi, love the mint jeans too:))

Halie said...

Love that bag.

Ester Durães said...

oh my, I absolutely love your kimono, that has to be the prettiest thing ever!! :)

Drawing Dreaming

Kat said...

aww so glad that you and patrick is a happy memory that you will cherish as your first love. stinks that hes moving but im sure youll see him again :) im actually going to have coffee with my ex tomorrow haha what a coincidence :P

Sam said...

I enjoyed reading your point of view on my Cannes post. Aren't you glad its the end of the week? Have a great one dear!

Alexa said...

this is such a cute outfit!! i rly enjoyed reading about your meeting with your ex. Im glad everything went well! have a wonderful friday love <3

Alexa <3

Anonymous said...

First of all, you look beautiful! I absolutely love the cardigan-anything with birds is amazing. And second of all, thank you for sharing that story. I hope things get better for you but be glad he was a part of your life and you can look back to the memories you two shared:)
Hugs & Kisses,

Dahye said...

Great outfit!! Love the flowy top.

Kirtana John said...

Hey, awesome your style.
Check out my new post and leave your comments, if any! x

Mira said...

That's really sad but lovely at the same time. At least you guys are friends and you look gorgeous. Love the cute kimono :D




Lisa said...

Oh Linda, I wish I could just give you a hug. You write so beautifully and thoughtfully and it's wonderful that you have this space to share your thoughts. Keep your chin up, because an even better guy will come along. You are such a sweet and caring person, and one day you'll find someone just as sweet!

Jessica Mattioli said...

Pretty blouse :) you look beautiful!!!

The Fashion Heels

Admirably Pretty said...

Such a pretty look! Love the blouse.

XO Imke


Glad that you were able to look at the entire situation in such a positive way, even though it's sad at least you both are friends and you could say Farewell, knowing there is a brighter future. I love the blouse! x/Madison

Jo said...

This is such a poignant love story. "When you truly love someone, you give a piece of your heart to them that you'll never get back." I really really agree with you on this. It breaks but yet again you would be happy knowing the person you love has a piece of you.

I don't know what exactly happen or why the both of you are no longer together but friends instead. Just from this post, I gathered that it is due to the fact that he is moving?

On a separate note, I like the colour of your jeggings.

sergio castaño peña said...

super amazing mix!!
really loved, so i stay here :-)
Sergio, xx

Kati said...

Thanks for your kind words on my last post!
You are so gorgeous and I love this kimono!
Also adore your writing, it's good when you become able to talk openly about a past relationship.

Have a great day,

Marsa said...

sorry to hear about the ex :(
but i'm sure you will find someone GREAT for you so don't worry.
and on a plus side, you look absolutely amazing! i love the blues and golds together :)

keep smiling Linda! someone great is coming along for you <3

likerose said...

very nice;)

would you like to follow each other? please tell me if you first :)

Gina Alyse said...

Thanks for sharing your story, Linda! It was inspiring to me and I know that God has such beautiful plans for you. Good luck with everything :)

And I'm loving your outfit--especially your cardigan because I am obsessed with anything with birds! It's been one of the the most fun and unique outfits I've seen in a while :)

Hope you have a great weekend! Thank you for commenting on my blog!

xo, gina

Megan said...

Love that kimono top! (Of course I do, it's covered in birds!) You look cute. Have a nice weekend :)

Rosalinda Tjioe said...

Love the kimono top! So cute! xx

Carla Florendo said...

Everytime I read a post of yours like this, i'm taken back to my teenage years when i used to read teeny bopper books and i used to get butterflies in my stomach for the sweet things, and then get almost teary eyed whenever I read something like this. you should totally write a book, Linda! I can feel exactly what you're feeling with how you wrote it. I'm so sorry things can't work out between you guys but if you're really meant to be together, love will find a way. At least he didn't just leave you bitterly and you can think about your past with him as a happy memory.

xo, Carla

Mary ♡ Fashionbirds said...

Beautiful kimono!

Love, Mary ♡ Fashionbirds

Toni Pino-Oca said...

oh linda. just hang in there. i know the feeling. but there's always a good in goodbye.

btw, i just moved to a new blog domain and im hoping you can show me some love by updating my link on your list. thank you so much


Pop Champagne said...

hang in there! firsts are always hard esp when it comes to a well spoken guy, but there will be better things for you to come I promise!!

Wendy said...

Great outfit! You look beautiful! <3

Enter my giveaway and make changes to win a Vogue T-shirt.
Last changes because it's close at 00:00 uur :)


Margarita M. said...

Love you in teal - all i'm gonna say)

dinda belle said...

it's sweet to know that still have a good connection with the ex. and really nice sling bag :D

Mary M. said...

The outfit is so cute, I love the shirt in kimono style and how it works with the mint pants!

Have an amazing week,
Mary x

Chezka said...

Girl, thanks for being honest. At one point in my life, I thought that Leon and I were not going to get together, and we also had a closure moment. It was one of the hardest talks I ever had, and there were so many lumps in my throat I couldnˊt talk.

He will always be a part of you. All the things you learned with him, they will all be lessons for when you find that someone who will love you no matter what...stay strong girl, I havent been in your blog for a while and I feel bad I almost missed this


Anonymous said...

That's such a great recap of your last goodbye. You will always remember your first love! :) Love that pretty kimono and your hair in the side braid! <3


Yoong Sin said...

love the color matching!!
especially your top! :)

Life's a shoe said...

cute look!

Marlen said...

Aw this was such a sad but somewhat positive post. Marc is my first love so I don't know how it feels to have lost that, but I have broken up with my fair share of boys and know how it is to miss someone. It's always weird to see them after the fact because a lot of "what ifs" start piling in. But one thing I do know is that you always remember the good and not the bad (of which I learned first hand when getting back with someone for the second time. Things dont change!) You guys broke up for a reason and I'm sure there's a boy more suited out there for you. Because you are a catch girly :)

xo Marlen
Messages on a Napkin

erica marie said...

I've always hated goodbyes, they make me so sad. At least your last meeting with him was good and probably something you can look back on and only have a happy memory of him even though the situation sucked. I know it's hard to get over someone especially your first love but hang in there girl. One day another amazing person will walk into your life :)

xo erica

Valentina Duracinsky said...


lovely top though.

Valentina Duracinsky Blog

Lali pops of colour said...

there's always a first romance in everyone's life. But you're so young, you have the whole life ahead of you, and most important: somewhere out there is your last romance waiting for you!
Anyway, your writing skills are impressive <3 maybe you should do some writing(e.g. a diary)and publish it in a couple of years; just a thought.
Lali pops of colour

Dj Mordia said...

Super Gorgeous selection of Western Dresses for Girls.. Looking awesome! :) XoXo

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