Don't Think I Don't Think About It

I saw him today. 
I was cutting through the Taylor building to get information and buy something for class, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the familiar brown hoodie. The same one I used to wear like it was trophy. The one I used to fall asleep in because it smelled like him.

He was standing off to the side, talking and smiling with a group of people I didn't recognize. A million thoughts crashed through my mind in a millisecond. Did he see me? What did he think of my new bangs? Did he miss me? What classes were he taking this semester? More importantly, did he think about me at all?

But almost as soon as my eyes registered it was him, they bounced away and I stared steadfastly forward, quickening my stride. It felt like I was holding my breath until I out of sight. 

I cannot aptly describe the feelings that hit me. A blender of fear, hurt, and trepidation would sum it up best. Mix in a tsunami tide of old emotions, and I couldn't get out of that building fast enough. 

A few minutes later though, I was angry at myself. Why was I letting a boy from my past scare me out of buildings? I wasn't going to hide out and skip getting what I needed just because of his presence! So I went back in there and did what I had intended to do in the first place. 

He wasn't there anymore, thank goodness. 
It was hard, trying not to see him but at the same time looking for him.

Oh girls, I have a ways to go, don't I?

I haven't talked about P much on here since the last time, but he's still very much present in my life and in my heart. I knew that when I saw him again I would be able to tell if I was over him or not. I hadn't seen him since our last get together over coffee where we exchanged Christmas gifts and said goodbye. That was about a month ago, and I've felt like I've been getting better each day. The memories have faded a bit and I've let them collect dust - I'm too scared to think about our past too much, because then I know I'd never move on. But when I saw him today...well, it told me what stage I'm at. 
I'm not completely over him yet.

But I'm getting there. I'm still happy about where I am in life. I'm excited for this semester. I'm eager to meet new people and form new friendships. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life. 

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:11


Sara said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( He just doesn't know what he's missing out on. You are so lovely and smart and kind, the man who wins you over and never lets go is going to be so lucky! It's healthy to take your time getting over him. Just keep your chin up until then, and know that everyone who comes in contact with you cant help but adore you! You're amazing!


Megan said...

Aw, I'm sorry! I know the sinking feeling of running into an ex, and it is very hard to think of the good memories and realize they are now one as well.

You will meet new awesome people and continue to grow! Hang in there :)

Caitie Schlisserman said...

I feel like I missed something major .... I'm really sorry though about all of this. The first few months are definitely the hardest, but once you get yourself back into a normal routine you start feeling like yourself again. keep that head up!

Lady à la Mode

Mica said...

Aww it's always difficult seeing someone after a breakup! You did well though, you know you can still get on and live your life and you won't let anything or anyone stop you :)

I've said it before, and it's not exactly comforting, but time will help. Everyone is different though and needs different time to bounce back.

Dominika said...

I am really sorry to hear that you had to go through it, sweetie. I think he's stupid for letting a wonderful girl like you go. You're so strong though, you are slowly but surely moving on- it always takes time, so don't worry that you're not completely over him yet. I am keeping my fingers crossed and believe everything is going to be alright. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. :)

Nico Saich said...

I really enjoyed reading this ppst that was truly from the heart. This feelings fade in time. Change is a whisper, its a season. Change is slow and quiet : ) one day you will be happy with someone else who seeing how flippin amaze you are


Sixth Tractate said...

Hello! I came across your blog and I'm your newest follower! :) Would you mind checking out our blog & following back via GFC and Bloglovin'? Let me know!

sip-n-wear said...

aw this post makes me so sad... i'm sure you hear this a lot, but you'll be fine... you'll get over him eventually with time... i'm sure it's so hard right now especially if you go to the same school and run into him like this, but you'll be ok. and i'm pretty sure he thinks of you too time to time. it's been a month, and i bet you next month, you'll be over him even more...

The Chic Sheet said...

You will find someone one day that deserves your affection ;)


Megan, said...

i agree with miranda, but it's tough, boy do I know! Xo Megan,

czarianonuevo said...

you'll get over him soon Linda. this new beginning is a perfect way to have a fresh start and completely move on. i believe in you because you are a strong woman :)

paint it stripes

Marilia and Cristina Maz said...

I love this post so much! It's so close to a past event of mine. Love how you r writing
xoxo m

Lisa said...

I know how rough it is to run into someone that once meant the world to you. But look at it this way, this is the hardest part. It went get anymore difficult than it is today. Soon you will find someone even better and more deserving of your time and he will be wishing he was still with you. Stay strong Linda! <3

Ashley said...

Linda, you have such a beautiful way with words! My heart hurts for you dear, as I've SOOO been in this situation. It's okay to still have feelings for him and to be sad. I'm glad you are aware of your feelings and know it takes time...this is the healthiest way to go about it. You are such a beautiful, kind-hearted girl and deserve the absolute best. This is just a step in the right direction to find your happily ever after <3

Sending love and hugs your way!!!!!!!

xo Ashley

PS I'm surprised you don't have boys knocking down your look absolutely STUNNING in your Msdressy gown. Seriously, you remind me of a winter princes and I LOVE it!



Tallia said...

The bible verse is will all be good at the end <3

Erin Edwards said...

Oh my gosh...this breaks my heart. You are going through what so many of have gone through, but you express yourself so beautiful. You may have a little way to go, but I believe you are really on your way. Keep your eyes open to what is in front of you because it just might be your future.


Erin Edwards said...

Just noticed that I was only following you on GFC. Now following on bloglovin also. In fact, I showed your wonderful posts lots of love!

Hang in there!


aree1997 said...

I am feeling awkward. It's never be easy to face a person again who is no more in our lives. It's kinda rough. But yeah , be brave. Past can only hurt in dark, shine and be bright :)

Aree With Umbrella

Sam said...

Hi darling, its completely understandable how you're feeling, and as they say time is the best healer and sometimes these things can take longer than expected. JUst know that you're a stunning, funny, lovely, confident, intelligent, amazing girl and any guy would be so lucky to have you...and if they don't realise it, its their loss, not yours.

Mary Lee said...

ah so sorry to hear about this, i hope you find someone better!

hope you'll visit back

Mia said...

Amazing pics and words! :D

Baci ♥

AllAboutLife said...

what a cute blog!!! really love it!!

If u want invite u to visit our blog and we can follow each other :)

samecookiesdifferent said...

Don't worry dear - try to go out with friends and not to thing about the past - even if it's difficult!

Stylish By Nature said...


Nicole Brown said...

This post was both sad and yet beautifully written. Break ups can be rough. Sometimes only time can heal wounds like that. Hang in there. *hugs*

Anna Jażdziewska said...

nice post:)

sismade said...

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Kim (A Very Sweet Blog) said...

Linda, one time I dated a guy, we broke up and get this we had to take a class together that semester! How awkward was that? And I didn't even have a choice of moving to another section. I can't believe I got an A in that course. To go there everyday (and he acted like an asshole flirting with other girls) and see him was torture. It was a summer session so my torture only lasted about 2 months. HAHAHA You will always get that "feeling" when things go awry in a relationship and you see "them". But meeting another will always soothe the past.

Maiken said...

oh I sure know those situations because I was in those quite a lot. but everything happens for a reason and when two people aren't meant to be together then they just can't be together. men often make those strange/painful decisions because they feel like they need to party, spend time with their friends etc and they don't want to look weak because of all that love stuff. and of course they come up with that after being such an awesome boyfriend in the first place. guys like that just suck and I'm sure you will find a guy who really cares about you and he will not hurt you like that.

Maikeni blogi - part of me

Katie Q. said...

Oh sweetie, that just blows. I think anytime someone has a large impact on your life, romantic or not, it's really hard to let go and push aside those feelings. (well, it's worse with a romantic relationship, not only do you love that person but you're close friends as well so it's the end of a friendship as well. That's hard to move pass but it does ease with time.) You're such a strong young lady and it sounds like you have a wonderful support system, each time you see him it will get just a little bit better. (I'm sorry, that sounds so cliche!) At least with each relationship you can learn what worked and why it didn't and it will just help prepare you even more for the next stage in your life and the person you'll eventually want to stay with for the rest of your life.
I do hope it gets easier for you and that the pain of seeing him passes but you sound like it's getting just a little bit better. (Although that last photo just breaks my heart, you poor thing!)

Carla Florendo said...

I can't imagine what you're going through Linda, and I don't even want to know how it feels. But I hope that someday you'll be able to recover and move on fully. Surely you'll meet new people. It's just a matter of time. There's a lot of people who care about you so much (including me.. believe it or not, it feels like I've known you for so long haha).
on the bright side, I actually love your photos here =)

Don't fret Linda dear, I know it's harder than it sounds but you'll be alright.

Rory said...

Linda :( :( :( :(

My heart sunk in my chest with the first line of this post. WHY OH WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO YOU? You're one of the best kindest BEST BEST BEST people I know and you deserve this least of anyone. I know it's happening for a reason--God must have something in store for you! He probably just wanted this to happen to you because when you meet Mr. Right someday, you'll realize just how amazing he is :) And I am SO proud of you for going back in there and for writing this post and for accepting and acknowledging that you are not totally over him. That takes some serious balls, my friend, and you are on gutsy girl! I love you Linda <3333

indie by heart said...

Sounds so familiar to my past. And maybe present too, if I happen to meet my ex. But I can promise you one thing; you will get over him and make new, even better memories - with new boy(s). Someone worthy of you.

Thank you for the comments. I have been away from the computer a while, and I'm sorry hear this about your life.. x Already noticed that you have made a post about recovering - good girl.

Indie by heart

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